MisUnderst0od

Yesternight, i had this c0nversation with a very g0od friend 0f mine..it was a nightly habit bef0re...ugh..they fetch me h0me. We discussed ab0ut h0w effective bl0g is...and h0w helpful it is t0 pe0ple wh0 happen t0 be very much like me. 0h by the way he thinks the 0ther way ar0und. He c0mmented 0n h0w bad bl0g can bec0me...because he thinks it was like 0pening up y0urself t0 the w0rld..."Exactly!" i replied. Bl0g is Bl0g!...but the c0ntent y0u wr0te (whatever t0pic y0u have)...especially ab0ut y0ur way 0f living and the experiences y0u had...w0uld DEFINITELY enc0urage if n0t inspire 0thers t0 v0ice 0ut what they had in mind.

S0me pe0ple have a difficulty in expressing themselves...their em0ti0ns are the last thing they want pe0ple t0 kn0w. Which has a g0od and bad advantages. I, myself had been very secretive ab0ut my em0ti0ns...bef0re. Until I've p0sted 0n my very first bl0g 4 years ag0. It(my bl0g 0f c0urse) have been my bestfriend since then. Alm0st everything i felt that I can't share with my friends i wr0te it there. It was my way 0f escape t0 pr0blems and t0 the 0utside w0rld...in my bl0g I can be in my w0rld...N0 0ne kn0ws me...except MYSELF.

My friend said that Bl0g can ruin y0ur identity...pe0ple w0uld kn0w y0ur weaknesses. And they might l0se respect 0n y0u. They will think that y0u're n0t what they think y0u are.
Yes! he had his p0int there. BUT that's n0t what had happen t0 me. With my entries, i get the chance t0 interact with 0ther pe0ple wh0 happen t0 experience the same situati0n as mine. I get help t0 pe0ple i d0n't even kn0w. Strangers have v0luntarily given me advices. And eventually became my Friends.

I am n0t bl0gging here just t0 pr0ve t0 my friend that I'm right. I just want 0thers t0 kn0w that Bl0gging isn't that bad after all.

Sh0uld I?

I had a fight with myself just this m0rning...battling 0ver when w0uld I rec0nciliate with a n0t a friend-n0t an enemy pers0n i kn0w. I am really affected with the distance that we had n0w. I kn0w the feeling is mutual. But I thought it was the best thing t0 d0 rather than c0ntinually t0rture myself. He was at first nice t0 me...and s0 I treated him the same. Eventually, we exchanges sh0rt conversations like "hi" & hell0's" & "h0w y0u d0in'?". 0h yeah, it's n0 big deal t0 y0u but t0 me (c0z i really liked the guy), it was a dream came true. We had the chance t0 get t0 kn0w each 0ther and vice versa. It's was like a fairy tale...but it didn't last. We had that "magical m0ment" but it wasn't a happy ever after. He's 0n his own n0w and i was picking myself up. It wasn't that easy...

I am n0t seeing him n0w ( atleast twice a week)...which helps. M0ving 0n is a l0ng pr0cess and the fact that he still resides in my heart makes it even m0re difficult. It seems like it's n0t g0nna end...but i've n0ticed the changes in me n0w. Seems like i'm not hating him anym0re. The pain is g0ne i kn0w. I kn0w al0ng the way i c0uld learn t0 f0rget.

I want t0 m0ve 0n...but t0 d0 that is t0 st0p the "cold war" that has built the st0ne wall between us. H0w am i g0nna d0 that? Where am I g0nna start?
"N0 way, I am n0t g0nna be the first t0 st00p d0wn! " I t0ld myself this m0rning...

0r sh0uld I?

Job hunting me?

It seems like all is carefully planned. Everything i have dreamed 0f was n0w c0ming t0 reality. Never have i imagined it's all g0nna happen s0o fast...and even m0re surprised that it w0uld happen as i have imagined it t0 happen.I frequently check my mails...(n0w m0re 0ften)...c0z n0w i am m0re agitated t0 kn0w wh0 resp0nded t0 my queries ab0ut hmm... J0bs, that is appr0priate t0 me. I was at first hesitant t0 submit resume and s0me inf0rmation (h0nest t0 g00dness inf0rmation ab0ut y0urs truly), c0z 0f the main reas0n that I may n0t qualify because I have n0t yet graduated. But!But!But!...I was caught by surprise that emails have been p0uring in...and t0 make a l0ng st0ry sh0rt. They think i am IN! In fact, tw0 0f the th0se agencies i have gambled my fate with...has called me up... and they w0uld welc0me me if i happen t0 graduate and c0nsider applying in pers0n. Can y0u just imagine that?!...they didn't even saw my face. I guess luck was 0n my side. I d0n't pray that much...but it seems like I was blessed like the pe0ple wh0've been 0n their knees begging f0r a miracle t0 happen. And i'm s0o grateful that G0d n0ticed me...amidst the cr0wd.